For several months now I have found ways to avoid this specific page of the website. There is nothing quite as daunting as a blank sheet of paper or a blinking cursor on a white screen. I have plenty of words dancing in my head but I also have deep hesitation about putting some of them in order. And even more hesitation about displaying them out in the open.
But the description on the side of this page says that I'll be sharing occasional reflections about life, community, and following Jesus. I remember crafting that particular description with my daughter one December day in Cabin Creek. At the time, it sounded like such an easy task. Occasional reflections. What's more, I love to write. But here I am a couple of days short of April and not a word has been written. So much for occasional . . .
My first attempt at blogging ended rather abruptly about eighteen months ago. Oddly, people continue even now to visit "Searching for Insignificance" even though my last words there were written in September of 2014. Perhaps it's simple irony or maybe it just took me a really long time to catch my breath, but my final entry there was entitled "Occasional Thoughts." There's that word again. Occasional. To be fair, occasional could mean once a decade, so there's nothing really dishonest about what I've done.
Still, a decade is too long. In fact, eighteen months is too long. And like the prophet Jeremiah, I feel this fire in my bones and I want very much to tell you what I'm thinking about life and community and following Jesus. I figure that if I post these words I'll be motivated to post a few more words . . . well, occasionally. At least that's my hope.
I'm not sure if it's really possible to jump over the past eighteen months and just pretend that today is a brand new day, but I think I'd really like to do that. The road I've walked I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've learned an awful lot about life and community and following Jesus. Which is a really good thing since that what I'm supposed to be writing about here. I still don't know much, but I do know a whole lot more than I did a few years ago.
Right now, life seems pretty small. Just writing that sentence feels like a confession or an apology. Then again, I think often of that haunting question that shows up in Zechariah's ministry: Who despises the day of small things? Evidently older people in his day were watching the building of the new temple and it suddenly dawned on them that this new temple would never measure up to the old temple that had been destroyed. And they were heartbroken that this new thing wouldn't be bigger and better and more beautiful. Which, of course, led to the question: Who despises the day of small things?
In truth, we all do. We all despise the day of small things. I know that I do.
But God has such a different view of things. God has never met a small thing that he can't use for his purposes. So maybe a small life isn't all bad. And maybe the real goal is to start looking at things from God's perspective.
If you're looking for some great truth in these words that will change your life today, I suspect that you'll be disappointed. But I wasn't really going for that today. All I really wanted to accomplish today was to deal with that blinking cursor. Having done that, I'm hoping that now it will be easier to share some more thoughts with you.
At least occasionally.